Election postcards 2024 #conservatives
Controversial information resurfaces to explain why they're so going to be destroyed in this year's elections.
Up until Thursday I was going to examine the Rise Mzansi twitch, but a tour of the Houses of Parliament here changed that.
I cased out the joint with Sir Chris Bryant, who I might have been dismissive of previously - probably on account of the matching purple ties he and his husband got married in. But he was friendly and clearly wants to do (what he thinks is) the right thing. He is almost certainly the UK’s Culture Secretary come the change of government later this year. David Cameron walked past us on his way to the airport (off to Israel) and greeted us. Under his breath Chris uttered, “we can’t stand each other”. I knew this, because I remember David Cameron calling him “gaydar” or something like that a while back in the House of Commons.
Whilst I was walking to the exit, this arrived in my inbox:
It is the 7th or 8th time I’ve been sent this summary kompromat file on some of the conservative party’s MPs, mostly present but a few resigned or sacked (e.g Chris Pincher). This was initially published in 2017, which turns it into a half-way report given its been 14 years of conservative rule in 2024. I’d like to add a few things:
Damien Green. One of Theresa May’s thugs and a supreme porn enthusiast. He likes porn. A lot. Enough to get into a dinghy, reroute a transatlantic fibre optic cable from the English Channel up the Thames and straight into his office.
Boris Johnson. Had never heard the name Danielle Fleet before but no bother - just another item to the numbers rap of women who probably just wanted a job, just an office to work in, just things to aspire to - and ended up being pinned on a desk down by a blubbering, pasty jackhammer grunting lines from Beowulf.
Matt Hancock. Some kind of win this is for equality: it is no longer a woman who has slept her way to the top of a profession, but a shameless, half-baked loser. That the UK has come to this.
Kwasi Kwarteng. Why is it that Kwasi is the go-to for the white women in the afternoon of their time occupying the front benches? They’ll tell you they’re woke and hate stereotypes, but when the rubber hits the road….
Liz Truss. Busy, insatiable lady, along with Claire Perry O’Neill (since resigned). Rumours of extra-marital activities were around long before she became Prime Minister for 49 days.
William Wragg. Some things you cannot unsee, a man who has seen this video told me (unlike Donald Trump’s, this one actually exists). This idiot should be nowhere near an inquiry, a committee, a subcommittee or even a village hall. Maniac - since resigned in disgrace for sending a stranger photos of his genitalia.
Alun Cairns. What exactly is that scent? “Fleur de Rocaille - flowers from a book”? His grandmother would be pleased as punch with that quality of information.
This list is not exhaustive but enough: these were the people charged not only with advancing the interests of their constituents, but had an obligation beyond to safeguard multiple features of western civilisation, from buildings to banks to individual freedoms. You know that they failed, right - and now you know why: in-between rogering the living daylights out of starstruck interns - boys and girls - or dragging their mistresses by the hair to the abortion chamber, or turning the back of every single black cab in London into a crime scene, they were being useless. Admittedly this list doesn’t boast the criminality of the Travelgate controversy - its more like one of those awkward notes that comes from the hospital long after the funeral that explains, erm, um, “sorry, but your well-known husband didn’t actually expire of a heart attack, rather, he got stuck in the ropes whilst trying to pleasure himself on a door”. By itself it is sickening enough to stop talking about UK “conservatism” for the next decade.